Ivestigation of the OOC
by Typing Typhoon
Summary: The king is dead. Desperate, the police hire a detective find the killer. But what happens when the detective is a serial killer himself? WARNING: This fic contains Batman parodies, Moblin nuns, pyromaniac cults, and stale Twinkies. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!
1. The Moderately Evil Murder

**For those few who do not know OOC stands for out of character.**

**Things in bold print stand for: The Narrator's intervention with the story, text, and a change of scene/date.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to: Zelda, Batman, Pirates of the Caribbean, Poisoned Lon-Lon Milk, or the Invisible Man. **

**(Best H.G. Wells book ever!)**

* * *

**Investigation of the OOC: By Typing Typhoon**

"Cheers to the Hero of Time!" The king said, raising his glass.

The whole crowd exploded in cheers, as Link stood up, his arms raised.

"Now, let the feast begin!" The king said with great enthusiasm.

The cheers were cut off in an instant and everyone forgot about Link in their desperate struggle to reach the food.

Link sighed and sank back down into his seat. "T_hey throw a huge party for me and the food gets more attention than I do!"_

Link grudgingly made his way to the- **"They have cupcakes! OH GOODY!"**

"Hey! Your supposed to be narrating my depression! GET BACK HERE NARRATOR!" Link shouted.

**"THEY'RE CHOCOLATE! OH BOY!" I shouted, that sap can wait a few seconds. I mean seriously, I'm just eating a cup-cake.**

Link was not the only resident who wasn't enjoying the party, there are two others...

"Holy crystallized lard puffs Pigeon Man! I think we found him!" A young man in red jump suite and green cape, exclaimed.

"Good work Sparrow, now we wait..." Pigeon Man said, straitening out his dark brown cape.

"_That's Captain Jack Sparrow to you..._" A pirate said, appearing out of nowhere.

"Holy diseased smurf carcass Pigeon Man, it's Jack Sparrow!" Sparrow exclaimed.

"That's where you're wrong, it is I, Moderately Evil Man! Mwahahahahaha-_ hack, cough, wheeze..._hahahahahahaha!" Jack said, tearing off his costume to reveal: Another jump suite...

"We got you now Moderately Evil Man!" Pigeon Man exclaimed, giving chase.

Moderately Evil Man ran into the street.

"Holy marmalade zombies Pigeon Man, HE'S J-WALKING!"

"It's actually spelled as _Jay Walking_." Moderately Evil Man said, standing calmly in the middle of he busy street.

"I don't think _jay walking _should be capitalized." Pigeon Man intervened.

Then Moderately Evil Man ran up the street.

"Holy yeti droppings Pigeon Man, he's getting away!" Sparrow squealed.

They made chase when- "You irreverent &0-#+! GET HIM!" Sparrow was ambushed by a bunch of moblin nuns.

**( I do not mean to insult any religeon with this nun joke)**

"Holy crates of petrified badgers Pigeon Man! I'm being attacked by moblins!" Sparrow yelled desperately.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha! _gasp- Moblin nuns_...hahahahahaha!"  
Ganondorf appeared out of nowhere, rolling around in the street, laughing with mirth.

Then he was hit by a semi...

The moblins took a moment to pray for his well being, then they returned to mauling Sparrow.

**Now, we all know that watching a parody of Robin get mauled by a bunch of deluded moblins would be entertaining, but the story's not about him. Though he does play a bigger part, but that is a different chapter... BACK TO THE CASTLE!**

Ty, the camera man, makes his way back to castle when- "Ilia! what are you doing up there?!" Ty asked, astonished.

"I'm instailing an air vents for da king, it gets quite hawrt in there around the summa' time!" Ilia explained from the top of her ladder.

Judging by speech you can tell that Ilia was not the brightest bulb in the box, in fact she's a wet match in a dark cave...

Ty sighed and made his way back inside, astonished by the King's ignorance.

**Back at the party:**

The party was over, people were already leaving, but a few stayed behind.

"Hey, uh... Mister King, what's your name?" Malon asked, wondering she would get an answer this time.

"I'm afraid I don't have a name... I was by far the coolest character in the game and they never gave me a name."  
The king answered, his head in his hands.

"There, there, it's oka-" Malon started...

"The other Kings have names! Like the one in Wind Waker! He had a fancy name! I can't even pronounce it!  
Do I get a fancy unpronounceable name? NO! The King Red Lions... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"  
The king moaned on, cutting Malon off mid- sentence.

Link sat there, wondering if there were any cup cakes left when he spotted Talon.

Sitting in a daze with a bottle of Lon-Lon milk perched perilously on the edge of his chair.

"Hey Talon, how's it goin'?"Link asked, trying to start conversation.

"Uugh my head... where am I?" Talon droned, drunk again.

"How do you get drunk off of Lon-Lon milk?" Link asked sceptically.

"Lake Hylia is po- po-" Talon stuttered, on the brink of revealing something important.

"What, what's up with Lake Hylia?" Link asked, hopeful for a reason to start another heroic quest.

Talon passed out.

" Stupid stereo types." Link said, hunting for Malon.

" Hey Malon, what's up with the cows?" Link asked.

"Oh, well our cows are-" She started and-

The lights turned off.

Something was being sprayed, then there was a **THUD!**, some cursing, and then the lights were turned back on.

Link looked around warily, everything seemed fine until-

**_The king shall die!_**

**_Moderately Evil Man was here._**

Link stared at the mysterious, red message which was conveniently placed on the wall next to him.

Then the lights turned off again.  
Something brushed passed Link and there was a scream, some swearing and spraying and the lights were turned back on.

The king was gone, Link looked back to the wall.

**SEE, I TOLD YA'!**

**Moderately Evil Man did this.**

Everyone screamed, Link swung around and saw a trail of blood that lead to-

"The air vents?" Link murmured, nonplussed.

Then there was a large crash, they were surrounded by the police force and-

**2 Hours Later**

**"Hi, I'm Todd, the new narrator, my predecessor is currently being held on trial so I will be filling in for him."**

**At the police station...**

"This is horrible! We have to catch the killer." Jake the n00b exclaimed.

"I suggest we have Link check it out." John said.

" NO! LINK'S A SUSPECT! REMEMBER?!" Chief Root shouted, turning red.

" Come off it Beetroot, _Link_ , he's not a criminal." John said, sceptical of Root's judgement.

"Don't patronize me John, but don't worry, I already have someone on the case..." Root growled.

As if on cue the door was thrown open and a tall man walked in, he was dressed from his head to his boots.

He even took the time to wrap his face with some sort of tape, you couldn't see a speck of his skin.

"Who are you?" Jake asked.

"Why that is Griffin, the Invisible Man." Root said, with a smug look on his face.

"He looks pretty visible to me chief." Jake said, stupidly...

"I suppose your going to take this as an opportunity to show off, Griffin." Root said irritably.

What's with the outfit anyways?" Jake asked, staring his odd attire.

"Give me a moment n00b..." Griffin hissed.

Griffin's clothes fell to floor.

Jake looked up from the discarded pile.

No one was there.

There seemed to be no bearer of the clothes...

Griffin had disappeared...

"Can you see me now?" Griffin whispered into Jake's ear.

"GHOST!" Jake shrieked, falling off his chair.

Jake passed out...

"Now Griffin, don't go scaring the n00bs again, don't forget, your still a n00b too." John said, lifting Jake back into his chair.

" I've been in the Force for 7 months!" Griffin exclaimed.

" A n00b is a n00b Griffin." John said placidly.

"Enough pleasantries boys, I have a sheet of the top 5 suspects. The more you investigate, the more suspects are added. I expect some results by the end of the week!" Root said briskly, handing Griffin a list of people.

Griffin examined the sheet.

* * *

**Top Suspects**

**Link**

**Linebeck**

**Navi**

**Zelda**

**Talon**

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Griffin smiled, it was now time to have some fun...

* * *

**Okay! Now here's your part reader! Send me your choice of the 5 suspects, the one with the most votes will have the next chapter. As characters are eliminated, new suspects will replace them. You may also name future suspects for later chapters. I'm always open for suggestions. Bye!**


	2. The Chronicles of Linebeck

**Thanks for the reviews: _Anonymously Anonymous_ and _Radiant Twilight Angel!  
_Your votes have been tallied and it seems that Linebeck is the winner!  
Disclaimer: I do not own: Mahogany spray-paint, Zelda, Clappy lights, Pirates of the Caribbean,  
Disco, Running Refridgerators, nor a blue Pries... But one day I WILL RULE OVER YOU ALL!**

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**Investigation of the OOC : Linebeck Assault!**

**7:36 A.M. Crimescene.**

"Why wasn't Moderately Evil Man on the list? It said he did it on the crime scene!" Jake was nonpussed, staring at the message on the wall.

"Anyone could have wrote that!" Root growled, examining the dark message on the wall.

"How does that prove he's innocent?!" Jake asked irritably.

"Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, n00bs..." Root shook his head.

"Is that blood?" Jake asked excitedly.

"No, it's spray paint." Root said.

"Two shades of spray paint to be exact." John said, staring at the wall.

"They both look like the same red to me..." Jake said, examining the wall.

"No, this one is crimson, and that one is scarlet." John said, pointing to the wall.

"Nah.. it looks more mahogany to me." Root said.

"Oh come on! You can't be serious!" Jake shouted, now really annoyed.

"The point is that Moderately Evil Man is an inbred moron and he couldn't of done it alone!" A voice hissed.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! It's the ghost!" Jake screamed, before passing out.

"Will you stop being so harsh on the n00bs?" John asked sceptically.

"Fine..." Suddenly a heap of clothes instantly started wrapping themselves around an unseen force.

The unseen force did seem to have alot of unseen trouble putting on his pants though...

"That was quite disturbing..." John muttered.

"Indeed." Root agreed.

"Well cope with it!" Griffin said, straitening out his tie.

"Why are you here anyways Griffin?" Root sighed.

"I want to know where the convicts are." Griffin said irritably.

"We couldn't legally lock them all up, so we had to let them go. But I still have a list of the suspects."  
Root said, pulling out an extensive list.

"No wonder, there's a good fourth of Hyrule in this list." Griffin sighed, he had a lot of work to do.

Then there was a huge crash if you heard it, it would of probably sounded like this: **CRASH!**

**"**What's going on?" Root barked, shoving his head out the window.

"It is I, Moderately Evil Man! Feel my wrath!" He shouted.

"Get off the crime scene you damn moron!" Griffin shouted.

"Watch in horror as I evilly T.P. the castle...mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" He shouted, lugging toiletries at the gate.

"Holy pales unicorn mucus Pigeon Man, it's Moderately Evil Man!" Sparrow shouted, limping over to him with his birdarang drawn.

"Let me handle this Sparrow!" Pigeon Man shouted, charging towards the semi criminal.

"That's CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW TO YOU!" Jack shouted, hopping out of a garbage can.

"Hey uh, do mind lugging these at the towers? I can't throw em' that high."  
Moderately Evil Man said, handing a few rolls of toilet paper to Jack Sparrow.

"Sure." Jack said, scooping up numerous rolls of toilet paper.

They both started lugging toilet paper at the castle, completely ignoring the vigilantes.

"Don't make me taze you!" Root growled, pulling out a tazer.

Griffin sighed, he didn't have the time for for this...

"HA HA HA! I'll show you-" Moderately Evil Man was cut off as he was kneed in the diaphragm by an unseen force.

**Linebeck's house. 4:20 P.M.**

"Heya Linbeck! Iya instailed the clappy lights for ya...50 BUCKS!" Ilia the utility girl squealed, holding out her hand expectantly.

"But I didn't order any clappy lights!" Linebeck protested.

"I WANT 50 BUCKS!" Ilia squealed, looking slightly mad and foaming at the mouth.

"Okay! Okay! Here you go!" Linebeck cowered, handing her the money.

"THANK YOU!" She shouted, taking Linebeck's money.

" How do these clappy lights work anyways?" Linebeck asked.

"You just clawp like this!" Ilia squealed, clapping her hands.

_The lights turned off, then back on..._

_Ilia clapped again, and again and-_

_clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clapclapclapclapclapclapclap...  
She was clapping so fast the editor didn't even have time to put commas between them..._

_The light turned on and off at mach 2, trying to keep up with Ilia's clapping until..._

"SEIZURE! SEIZURES! SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIZURES!" Ilia flopped to the ground and started twitching violently.

Linebeck clapped the lights off.

"SEIZURE! SEIZURES! SEIZURES!" Ilia whined until-

**TWUMP!**

Linebeck whacked her over the head with a stale Twinkie causing her to lose consciousness.

He then dragged her out and left her by the street.

"Thank God..." Linebeck sighed, then he was jumped by moblins...

"GET HIM!" The lead one shouted, whacking Linebeck in the back of the head with the spine of his Bible.

Suddenly, a priest appears out of nowhere.

"No! NO! NO! Come on boys, we don't beat up other people for sinning,  
we give them another chance like God wants us to." The Priest said.

"So, we can't beat people up?..." A Moblin asked.

"No, you can't." The Priest said.

It seemed to take the moblins awhile to digest that particular statement...

"This SUCKS! We're going Buddhist! The lead moblin said, stomping away.

_Ganondorf appeared out of nowhere..._

"HAhahahahahaha! Moblin nuns...Hahahahahahahahaha! That never gets old..." Ganon laughed.

"They're actually Buddhist now." Linebeck whimpered, grasping his twisted arm...

"Buddhist moblins... Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" Ganondorf rolled around into the street, laughing with mirth when-

_He was hit by another semi..._

"What the hell?!" Ganondorf moaned.

_Then he was hit by a powder blue Pries..._

"Awkward..." Linebeck turned around and went back inside.

_Something stirred, the lid to the recycle bin was thrown open and something slithered through the open window..._

Griffin took out his journal..._Let's see if Linebeck is really as stupid as he looks._

Linebeck really didn't do anything that suspicious. He was just your average Opra watching, karaoke singing, poker playing moron.

**9:45 PM**

Griffin was just about to call it a day when Linebeck got up and went to his basement. He approached his solid silver zora statue and flipped its head back and pressed a hidden button. A large door then opened from behind the statue.

_Finally, we're getting somewhere. _Griffin inched through the door after Linebeck.

He walked around blindly, unable to see in the darkness when the lights were turned on.

He found himself in a small dark room, he was standing on checker print tile that was bathed in a colorful light provided by the...

_Disco ball?_ Griffin was shocked.

Linebeck opened a large trunk which was placed in the corner of the room. In which, he pulled out a large box of cassettes in which he placed within a cassette player.

_The room was then engulfed in crappy old disco sound-waves..._

Griffin stood there, frozen, with his mouth agape.

Linebeck strutted to the middle of the room.

He put one hand on his hip and the other was outstretched as if pointing to some invisible thing, he then started shaking his waist.

_(Insert cheap disco music here) I'm stayin' alive, stayin' alive, ah-ah-ah-ah- stayin' aliiiiii-_

At this point Linbeck started to rotate slowly, still holding his posture.

_Stayin ALiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ah-Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ah-Iiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ah-Iiiiiiive..._

Griffin slapped his head in anger and disapointment. And it hurt...

"Owww..." Griffin moaned.

"Yes?" Was Ow's response.

Griffin chose not to respond to that particular statement.

_Griffin pulled out his note book._

**3:45 A.M.**

Linebeck had put away his cassettes and just left the room, Griffin sighed in relief.

One more chorus of _Love Machine_ would of pushed him over the edge...

He left Linebeck's apartment and headed home where he caught Moderately Evil Man prank calling in a telephone booth.

" Hey, you. Is your refrigerator running?" He asked, stifling a laugh.

_"Why let me see..." Was the victim's response._

_"GREAT SCOT! MY REFRIGERATOR IS INDEED RUNNING!" The man shouted._

"Well then you betta' catch it ya' fool!" Moderately Evil Man laughed.

_The man hung up..._

Griffin closed in on Moderately Evil Man when- **TWUMP!**

_He was hit by a running refrigerator..._

He gave up at that point.

**Friday- 6:42 P.M. - Police Station**

"Here you go Root." Griffin sighed, handing him Linebeck's report.

"And..." Root asked, putting a lot of emphasis on the word_ and._

"Well, it was a wild goose chase..." Griffin said irritably.

"Huh, that's nice to know." Root said sceptically.

Root opened up the file and placed it on his desk.

"His mental health is to be questioned?" Root inquired, glancing up from the file.

"Just read on..." Griffin sighed.

"Good..." Root muttered, while he typed on his computer.

He then printed out a sheet of paper.

"Take it." Root ordered.

Griffin did.

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**Top Suspects:**

**Link**

**Navi**

**Zelda**

**Talon**

**Beedle**

* * *

Griffin looked up from the list, hopeful this next investigation would yield some results...**  
**

**That's the end of chapter 2 people! Did you like it ? No? That's just cruel... Now on to business!  
Send me your choice of the 5 suspects, the one with the most votes will have the next chapter.  
As characters are eliminated, new suspects will replace them. You may also name future suspects for later chapters.  
Remember, votes must be registered before my story leaves the first page, for that is when I start my new chapter.  
Late reviews however, will be tallied up for the next chapter's poll. And, that wraps it up... **


	3. A Bad Day

_Dear fans, readers, serial killers, and hobos alike: Sorry about the long awaited update (a good 2 months...) I just had a lot of work to do.  
I know have some more free time which I will devote to finishing this absurd story of mine._

Investigation of the OOC: Navi

**The Crime-scene/ air-vents/ 7:40 A.M.**

"Are you sure you're okay commander?" John asked, glancing at a struggling Root.

"Waddya mean? Of course I'm fine!" Root growled, stubborn as ever.

"Well, you know, you're not in the amazing shape you used to be, sir, and I can't help notice that you're having some difficulty getting through." John inquired, acknowledging Root's stomach, which seemed to have grown a slight bulge over the years...

Root was in his early fifties, his once dark hair graying, a little overweight as well...  
He was a war veteran and gained much respect over the course of his career, but now he was getting old and he to face that...  
But Root, stubborn as ever, ploughed on through the blood-stained air vents. Even if it was quite cramped.

"Hey, guys! I think I found something... It's a cat!" Jake shouted from afar.

"A cat?" Root asked sceptically.

"Yeah! What do I do?" Jake asked.

"Shoot it." Root said bluntly.

"But I don't wanna shoot the cat..." Jake whimpered, teary eyed, oblivious to Root's sarcasm.

Jake was a n00b, he was tall, skinny, with dark brown skin, and dark hair. He was somewhat impulsive and he was constantly hyper.  
He was also very charismatic and polite, yet a little dim...

John was of the same build as Jake, yet his skin was a bit paler than Root's and he had brown hair and square rimmed glasses.  
He was smart and very polite, but he could never resist poking at his superior, Root. Especially since it was so easy...

_**Flashback/ Stealth Mission/ 6-12-6/ 4:30 A.M.**_

_"Hey, John! When was the last time this GTS (Global Tracking System) was updated?!" Root shouted into his cell, while driving haphazardly._

_" It's updated yearly sir, why do you ask." Came John response._

_"Well it says the damn hostage is on water, how do ya explain that, huh?!" Root growled, now irritated._

_"It would appear he is on a boat, sir." John said, then a burst of laughter blasted through Root's cellphone._

_"DAMMIT JOHN! YOU'D BETTER NOT HAVE ME ON SPEAKERPHONE!" Root shouted. There was even more laughing._

_**End of flashback.**_

"It's okay Jake, Root was being sarcastic." John said, catching up to him.

Jake recovered instantly.

"Oh, I knew that..." Jake said.

"Mrooow?" The cat interjected hopefully.

Root had finally caught up.

"What's with the cat?" Root asked.

"I don't Kn-" Jake started.

"Mrooooow."

"Well get rid of-"

"Mroooooow."

"How woul-"

"Mrooooow?"

"SHUT THAT DAMN THING UP!"

"Mroooow?"

Jake scratched the cat behing the ears.

Root lit a cigarette.

John was taking notes.

The cat was purring.

And Griffin was falling...

**Candy Store / 8:16 A.M. / Investigation of extremely annoying fairy-**

"Uuuuugh**..."**Griffin moaned, rubbing his battered elbow.

"Damn that fairy!" Griffin shouted, getting back up.

Navi sped off down the street leaving a very angry Griffin behind.

"Dammit! Doesn't that fairy ever slow down?!" Griffin sprinted past the crowds trying to keep up with Navi when-

**POOF!**

Griffin and everyone else within 3 square miles were knocked off their feet by a powerful blast of confetti...

"AH HA! TOTAL PWNAGE! I have now pulled the largest stunt of hardcore littering in history!"  
Moderately Evil Man laughed his moderately evil laugh as a fraction of Hyrule was caught in a whirlwind of confetti.

Griffin snarled, as he picked himself up...he was inching towards him... he was right behind him...

"WAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" Ganondorf popped outta nowhere looking quite Ganon-like until- **VROOOM! SMASH!**

Ganon leapt outta' the way the second the raging Pries would of hit him, with no time to stop, the Pries collides into -

"Holy cucumber shavings Pigeon Man, Moderately Evil Man's dead!" Sparrow shouted.

"You're right Sparrow! I can't feel a pulse!" Pigeon shouted, checking his wrist.

"Oh well, let's go home." Pigeon Man and Sparrow walked away like nuthin' happened.

Griffin was planning on looting Moderately Evil Man's corpse but the running refridgerator beat him to it.

Griffin was going to pwn the running refridgerator when it ... well... ran away.

Navi sped by.

Griffin instantly gave chase.

Navi bolted right, left, left, left, left, left, left, left, well you get the point!

Griffin ran around in nausea inducing circles at a nausea inducing speed which produced a dazed Griffin...

"Damn that fairy!" Griffin repeated as Navi bolted again, through a crowded street...

Griffin was going to lose her again, he jumped over the killer Pries,  
rolled underneath a semi, kicked a jay walker, and raced back on to the sidewalk.

Navi was getting farther and farther away. She stopped... instantly.

Griffin ran right passed her until he tripped on stale Twinkie.

Griffin got up... they were back at the candy store, again.

While Griffin was having a nervous breakdown, something very similar was going on in the Ingo's candy shop.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY!" Navi bolted back in forth through the shop, scooping up candy and dumping onto the counter.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!" Navi zoomed around the store.

"Is this all Miss?" Ingo asked, trying to keep his cool.

"HEY!" Navi shouted.

Ingo took that as a yes.

That will be 40 rupees, cash or credit? "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!"  
Navi zoomed back and forth over Ingo's head dropping cold, hard, rupee-like rupees down on poor Ingo as she went.

**One concussion later...**

"TAKE YOUR CANDY AND GET OUT!" Ingo shouted, swatting at her with a broom.

Navi bolted out the shop, back in the direction they came in.

Griffin got up and followed her, sprinting through the stands and stalls.

Navi took a large U-turn.

They were back at the candy store, again.

But this time Ingo was prepared.

"DIE YOU FOUL FIEND!" Ingo shouted, swatting at Navi with a fly swatter.

Navi zoomed and evaded the deadly swatter using Star Wars X-Wing evasive menuevers.

"HEY!" Navi shouted.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! IT'S FAAAAAAAAT ALBERT!" Some fat guy shouted, running past them.

The fat guy was then killed by a rampaging Pries.

Ingo was panting, flailing wildly was quite tiring, but Navi just kept on going.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!" Navi shouted, flying back and forth.

Amid all the shouting and fighting an alarm sounded.

Navi switched off her watch and zoomed East, leaving Ingo far behind. (Yeah, I know she haz no limbs...)

Griffin ran after her, desperate to catch up...

"AH HAH! I'M ALIVE! MODERATELY EVIL MAN LIVES TO DO MODERATELY EVIL DEEDS ANOTHER DAY!" Moderately Evil Man shouted.

"Holy balls of frozen molasses Pigeon Man, he's alive!" Sparrow shouted.

"You're right! And defying the laws of nature IS definitely EVIL SPARROW!" Pigeon Man shouted.

"That's CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW TO YOU!" Jack shouted, brandishing his sword.

"WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!" Pigeon Man shouted.

"Oh' alright..." Jack turned around and shuffled away in a depressing manner.

"You're under arrest! For commiting an actually evil crime!" Pigeon Man shouted, chasing Quite Evil Man.

"You shall never catch QUITE EVIL MAN!" Moderately Evil Man shouted.

Griffin finally caught up, they were at a speech therapist's office.

Navi buzzed inside with Griffin not far behind.

Inside there was a small desk, a tv, a magazine stand, and a bowl of mints.

At the desk was your average receptionist doing average receptionist things.

Navi zoomed up to the counter.

The receptionist looked up at her... while chewing her signature receptionist gum.

"Hello, do you have an appointment?" The receptionist asked, in her signature receptionist tone.

"LOOK!" Navi shouted, handing her a letter.

It was the letter** G.**

"Oh, okay, you're the 6:00 appointment. Up the stairs and and take a left, it's the first door you see." The receptionist said, returning to her bachlorette magazine.

Navi zoomed up the stairs with Griffin close behind.

She then darted left and stopped at the first door.

Navi knocked on the door with her... um... head...

The door opened and Elvis Presley stepped out.

His body guard ran out with him.

Then they were both killed by the shady Pries.

Ditto...

"Come in." The therapist called out.

Navi buzzed in.

"Ah, hello Navi! Today we are gonna work on your H's." The therapist said, motioning Navi to sit down.

"HEY!" Navi shouted as she sat down.

"Why yes, just like hey." The therapist said.

"Now, I'm gonna show you some cards okay? You just have to name them for me, kay'?" He asked, pulling out a deck of picture cards.

"Let's start out with a simple one." He said, with a tone one might use with a 5 year old.

He showed her a picture of a pile of yellowish weed.

"HEY!" Navi shouted gleefully, making both Griffin and the therapist flinch.

"Why yes, this is indeed a pile of hay." He said, drawing the card.

"Next card, now pay attention. "

He showed her a picture of an aardvark.

"Look!" Navi squealed.

The therapist sighed, she never made it past the aarvark...

**Meanwhile, At the Emergency Room: 9:18 P.M.**

"Erm, sorry about that commander... I had no idea the cat had rabies..." Jake whimpered.

"They're not gonna kill it... are they?" Jake inquired, close to tears.

""Auuugh! I'm bit! Help! Auuuuugh..." Someone was screaming from the other room.

There was knocking on the door...

John opened up the door and let Griffin in, who was once again wearing his signature brown jacket.

"The receptionist said I'd find you here." Griffin said, grunting in pain.

"Bad day?" John asked.

"Really bad..." Griffin said, slowly easing himself into a chair.

"How bad?" Jake said, stepping in.

"They're all dead... exept Navi." Griffin said.

"Root's been bit by a rabid cat." John said, addressing the stretcher.

"Oh, Root had write your next list of leads, it turns out that Gannondorf had somethin' to do with this. But the others-"

The room's wall exploded... A powder blue Pries zoomed in without a driver. It was closing in on Griffin...

* * *

**Top Suspects:**

**Gannondorf**

**Link**

**Zelda**

**Talon**

**Beedle**

* * *

**That's the end of chapter 3 people! Did you like it ? No? That's just cruel... Now on to business!  
Send me your choice of the 5 suspects, the one with the most votes will have the next chapter.  
As characters are eliminated, new suspects will replace them. You may also name future suspects for later chapters.  
Remember, votes must be registered before my story leaves the first page, for that is when I start my new chapter.  
Late reviews however, will be tallied up for the next chapter's poll. And, that wraps it up... **


End file.
